Well, tomorrow is going to be the beginning of a bit of an adventure. A quest for a fresh brewed life if you will. Me, my mind and a cup of pressed black coffee will be on our way through a spiritual and physical journey with the goal of getting it together. Operation Willis is under way. I am 23 years old. And my life is not what I wanted it to be at this point; that much I have come to understand.
A couple weeks ago I finally took a good long look in the mirror. Granted, at the time, I just woke up after a night of drinking a third of a fifth of rum, a bottle of wine and at least one beer all followed by a horrific and satisfying round of crying. Not the heavy, bawling, sobbing, weepy, annoying stuff that you see in television programs. I am not a housewife nor do I live in Jersey Shore. I simply drank and then laid down and let the tears rolled out of my eyes and down the sides of my face, past my ears and onto my pillow. A couple hours must have passed before I finally drifted off. And that next morning I confronted myself in the mirror. The mirror is the most brutally honest creation that has ever graced mankind with its presence. The sight, to say in the least, wasn't pretty but it was real and heartbreaking. I have never looked like that in my life; dark circles, pale, miserably tired eyes, a stomach that hated me for not putting anything substantial into for days and, worse of all, the streaks. There were streaks where the tears had been sliding from the corners of my eyes down onto my pillow. I let someone make me feel like this. It was my fault. I trusted someone. I let them lie to me. Something about me made it impossible for them to tell me the truth and when they did it wasn't to my face. You won't get hurt if you don't pout yourself on the line. And I did. And I got hurt. That was clear in the reflection. A reflection that I will never forget.
But tomorrow I will begin to "Live Free or Die Hard". I don't know if you go the Willis reference or not. Operation Fresh Brewed didn't really seem fitting foe what I am going to accomplish though I am use the book "Fresh Brewed Life" as a tool to aid me in this journey. I am going to take that sad broken individual that I saw gazing back at me from the mirror that morning and clean her up. That process began over spring break and will continue probably forever. I have let myself go and now it is time to gather the pieces and put this hot mess of a puzzle back together again. Getting back into the water was my first step (I am an avid swimmer). That much I have accomplished. Cleaning my house was my second step. This was also accomplished. Getting all caught up on work. That I am still working on. Keeping myself active and getting back into shape physically, mentally and emotionally is also something I am working on. Mentally I am doing fine. It is the emotional and physical part that will be a challenge but I am already seeing improvements on both fronts.
But for tonight I am going to wrap myself up in my Florida sheets and comfy blankets drenched in Forever Sunshine and drift off into a sober slumber and awake tomorrow putting one foot in front of the other.
God help the person who tries to knock me down.
<3
