A place...for the one that got away.

Friday, February 10, 2012

The truth

I don't know what to do or how to act.
The only thing dampening my pillow are the tears.
Tears from the fears.
Stemming from the age old questions like
what the hell happened?
The days go by slowly
as though I were existing in the life
of someone who chooses never to live.
What am I suppose to do?
What is there left to give
to someone who doesn't know what they want?

Its cold outside, wind rattling windows
snow suffocating the ground
which is only waiting for the spring.
At least the earth moves forward
though I may feel tired and look gaunt.
Gaunt because the mixed messages taunt.
This is the dilemma.
I need to rest my weary eyes.
But something might be broken somewhere
there is pain.
In the fashion of my toddler days
I cry and throw a fit
but in the silence of my own space.
Still the same are the old ways.

I don't like it.
Its not fair.
That once I was happier
once when my mind was elsewhere.
But I have a secret
one that ya may never know.
Grade school talent show bow.
Sorry bud, not giving it up here.
No way, no how.
I just write and cry myself to sleep.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Hurt

Well, the short story is that I am sad. The long story is that I will be okay. I was finally happy on my own. Then I realized I was happier with you. Now, for a while, I wont be happy at all. The truth is that I understand and the harsh reality is that I don't want to.

A period of healing and learning should follow every relationship so it can open a better door into the next. I am tired of opening doors. One day I just want to walk through one and see the world, not a mirage in an empty room that has fooled me. Issue: when do you know what it is? When you bump into the wall that leads to the next door. I know I'm not going to find it by sitting on the floor with tears in my eyes. But what if I get up find it? What if its not there and you were it? Either way I feel as though I'm probably going to be heart broken for a while. So, I'm just going to sit here a little longer.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

The New Year

Well, here it is. The first day of the New Year. I am sitting in my relatives home nestled in the country side of Ohio. I went for a run this morning and it was beautiful. There was so much wind whipping my loose bit of hair around my face and forcing the trees to perform delicate dances. It cut through the chilled air clearing it of the old year and Wiping the surface of the little ponds and the lake...a whole new freshness has settled. I love old stories and new beginnings. In reflection I had an amazing 2011! I loved every minute of it; full of adventure and travel. This year I look forward to not knowing what is coming. I have goals, of course, but there is an element of mystery that is lingering that I very much love. It started today and it started well: my run, yoga, silence, family, warmth, love.
I cannot wait fo rlife to keep unfolding. I look forward to writing more, continuing my schooling, seeing my love, discovering and keeping it all together. I hope you have a wonderful start to the year!
Keep moving forward,
Love,
Virginia