Hurt

Well, the short story is that I am sad.  The long story is that I will be okay.  I was finally happy on my own. Then I realized I was happier with you.  Now, for a while, I wont be happy at all.  The truth is that I understand and the harsh reality is that I don't want to. 

A period of healing and learning should follow every relationship so it can open a better door into the next.  I am tired of opening doors.  One day I just want to walk through one and see the world, not a mirage in an empty room that has fooled me.  Issue: when do you know what it is?  When you bump into the wall that leads to the next door.  I know I'm not going to find it by sitting on the floor with tears in my eyes.  But what if I get up find it?  What if its not there and you were it?  Either way I feel as though I'm probably going to be heart broken for a while.  So, I'm just going to sit here a little longer. 

   

The New Year

Well, here it is.  The first day of the New Year.  I am sitting in my relatives home nestled in the country side of Ohio.  I went for a run this morning and it was beautiful.  There was so much wind whipping my loose bit of hair around my face and forcing the trees to perform delicate dances.  It cut through the chilled air clearing it of the old year and Wiping the surface of the little ponds and the lake...a whole new freshness has settled.  I love old stories and new beginnings.  In reflection I had an amazing 2011!  I loved every minute of it; full of adventure and travel.  This year I look forward to not knowing what is coming.  I have goals, of course, but there is an element of mystery that is lingering that I very much love.  It started today and it started well: my run, yoga, silence, family, warmth, love.
I cannot wait fo rlife to keep unfolding.  I look forward to writing more, continuing my schooling, seeing my love, discovering and keeping it all together.  I hope you have a wonderful start to the year! 
Keep moving forward,
Love,
Virginia 

Tiny Little Boat

Alumni Row Fall 2011

Alumni Row Fall 2011

Just another beautiful day in the neighborhood

Practice: amazing grace

Practice: grey days

Some adventures of 2011

Hiking in Albania July 2011

Disney Magic Moment May 2011

Group from Albania Study Abroad Course

Four awesome character attendants!

Jason and Me- Fish Lake Fall 2011

Albania

Me and the Boss Man!  Mickey Mouse!!!!!!

Las Vegas Lights

Dim the lights in Las Vegas baby

'cause all my boys are going going gone.

A lifetime ago they played among those stars

now they sing and dance above them.

The rain goes tap tap tap

on the window pane

and my body moves in rhythm

to the Start of the Blues.

Notes wrap around me,

their voices fill the air,

a smile lands on my lips

I know 'cause I can feel it there.

My dreams are on parade

and champagne sparkles in my glass;

all the world is shining.

And although, I know,

those lights may not dim for me,

baby, I will dance my way through the stars

where we will all laugh and join in

the party maybe just maybe.

India Picture – Travel Photo – National Geographic Photo of the Day

India Picture – Travel Photo – National Geographic Photo of the Day

The way back...and spider cannibalism.

Well, I made it back to Ohio from Florida and have been back for a little over a week.  I didn't end up getting a car but I was able to road trip back with a girl that lived across the hall from me.  It was awesome.  Turns out that we use to race against each other in college; oh the irony.  Let me tell you about the kind of people we are...on the way North we relaxed in the grass at a rest stop in Georgia, memorized the presidents in order by number and randomly shouted out numbers to pop quiz each other, almost ended up sleeping in the car in a parking lot in Corbin Kentucky (we managed to get into the country in; score!) and read aloud from a book called "homework for grown ups".  It was great.  We are also now contemplating writing a children's book together 'cause we both have some great ideas.  So, in short the ride back was quite an adventure!  After a few days of being home I finally made it out to a family member's property to go fishing.  Not having the heart to bait a hook I opted to take out the canoe on their lake.  I am truly blessed to have such an awesome family.  But the point is that I flipped the canoe over to take it out on the water and of course after being turned down for so long it was full of miniature life such as ants, those little rolly polly lots of legs bugs and spiders.  I am not bothered by any of this so I get what I can of them safely on the shore and then set out on the water.  There were of course all sorts of mini life still working their way out of under the seats of the canoe and I noticed that there was a dead spider that fell out of somewhere and I remember thinking "Awe, poor little guy...thus is the course of life I guess".  So, I continued to make my little circles and figure eights and other meditative motions through the water.  Finally, I sat and put the paddle across the gunwales in front of me so I could observe my family on shore fishing and running around.  My cousin's children who are two, five and six were fishing with my cousin's fiance...well, the littlest thought he was fishing, he had a little baby fishing pole with no line hook or sinker, which was adorable.  My Aunt was in the gazebo rocking back and forth on the swing.  My mom and sister were fishing and my cousin (who trains fighters and such) was helping them fish.  My uncle was inside the house, probably relaxing, drinking wine and watching some sort of sports game.  Everyone was happy and I could still feel the camp fire on my skin and its smell imbibed in my clothes.  Everything about that one moment in that little green canoe was perfect.  Something has to give right? I glanced down into my little canoe which delivered to me my moment of perfection and saw a rather horrific and perfectly natural scene, the circle of life if you will.  The little spider that I thought was playing dead was being paralyzed, drug and later devoured by a bigger black spider, I was devastated into just sitting there.  What was I suppose to do?  I have been known to jump into pools to save moths stuck on the surface of the water.   Part of me wished that I would have kept my gaze on the shore.  But the part of me that saw this brutal act of reality, however natural it is, as a reminder that elsewhere in the world not everyone is as blessed as I am.  Was I suppose to see it?  I have been meditating on both moments since they happened.  Not everyone gets that fleeting moment of seeing love.  Some people only know spiders.  Would that spider have lived if I had not gone out in the canoe? Maybe.  I still felt bad.  But if I didn't take out the canoe I would not have witnessed those moments of peace that I did.  In my family a scene like this needs to be cherished.  I am still thinking about it and pondering it.  Both the love and the spiders.  I mean it wasn't an act of hate, the one spider eating the other, it was just the bitter reality of life.  No matter how small it is that bitterness is still a part of life on some scale.  On that day it was a subtle reminder from nature that was greatly outdone by the love on the shore.  I hope to have many more days where I only witness it in this fashion.

Love, Life and Light~ Hamsa