Well, I made it back to Ohio from Florida and have been back for a little over a week. I didn't end up getting a car but I was able to road trip back with a girl that lived across the hall from me. It was awesome. Turns out that we use to race against each other in college; oh the irony. Let me tell you about the kind of people we are...on the way North we relaxed in the grass at a rest stop in Georgia, memorized the presidents in order by number and randomly shouted out numbers to pop quiz each other, almost ended up sleeping in the car in a parking lot in Corbin Kentucky (we managed to get into the country in; score!) and read aloud from a book called "homework for grown ups". It was great. We are also now contemplating writing a children's book together 'cause we both have some great ideas. So, in short the ride back was quite an adventure! After a few days of being home I finally made it out to a family member's property to go fishing. Not having the heart to bait a hook I opted to take out the canoe on their lake. I am truly blessed to have such an awesome family. But the point is that I flipped the canoe over to take it out on the water and of course after being turned down for so long it was full of miniature life such as ants, those little rolly polly lots of legs bugs and spiders. I am not bothered by any of this so I get what I can of them safely on the shore and then set out on the water. There were of course all sorts of mini life still working their way out of under the seats of the canoe and I noticed that there was a dead spider that fell out of somewhere and I remember thinking "Awe, poor little guy...thus is the course of life I guess". So, I continued to make my little circles and figure eights and other meditative motions through the water. Finally, I sat and put the paddle across the gunwales in front of me so I could observe my family on shore fishing and running around. My cousin's children who are two, five and six were fishing with my cousin's fiance...well, the littlest thought he was fishing, he had a little baby fishing pole with no line hook or sinker, which was adorable. My Aunt was in the gazebo rocking back and forth on the swing. My mom and sister were fishing and my cousin (who trains fighters and such) was helping them fish. My uncle was inside the house, probably relaxing, drinking wine and watching some sort of sports game. Everyone was happy and I could still feel the camp fire on my skin and its smell imbibed in my clothes. Everything about that one moment in that little green canoe was perfect. Something has to give right? I glanced down into my little canoe which delivered to me my moment of perfection and saw a rather horrific and perfectly natural scene, the circle of life if you will. The little spider that I thought was playing dead was being paralyzed, drug and later devoured by a bigger black spider, I was devastated into just sitting there. What was I suppose to do? I have been known to jump into pools to save moths stuck on the surface of the water. Part of me wished that I would have kept my gaze on the shore. But the part of me that saw this brutal act of reality, however natural it is, as a reminder that elsewhere in the world not everyone is as blessed as I am. Was I suppose to see it? I have been meditating on both moments since they happened. Not everyone gets that fleeting moment of seeing love. Some people only know spiders. Would that spider have lived if I had not gone out in the canoe? Maybe. I still felt bad. But if I didn't take out the canoe I would not have witnessed those moments of peace that I did. In my family a scene like this needs to be cherished. I am still thinking about it and pondering it. Both the love and the spiders. I mean it wasn't an act of hate, the one spider eating the other, it was just the bitter reality of life. No matter how small it is that bitterness is still a part of life on some scale. On that day it was a subtle reminder from nature that was greatly outdone by the love on the shore. I hope to have many more days where I only witness it in this fashion.
Love, Life and Light~ Hamsa
